It’s only every once in a while now I get these moments wherein my urges take over and I need to jot down my feelings. I do not write like I used to. I want to…
I have been M.I.A.
I want it.
I have been wanting to disappear from the social world. So, I have managed to lock myself away from the world.
I need dopamine, badly.
I checked myself into an asylum. Good news is I am not crazy enough to be admitted. Bad news is I am needed for further assessment. On top of Asperger’s I am told I exude BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) all over the board. I have an appointment on the 17th of next month for intake to see a psychiatrist. Fun Shit. My mental stability is wearing down. One moment I could be absolutely dandy and the next I am in shambles. I want to cut everyone off yet, at the same time I am aware of the consequences of those actions. I am becoming antisocial.
I like it.
I need stability in the instability I have condemned myself to.
I want to drown in an abyss of beats and freaks.
I need mundane.
I want excitement.
I need simplicity.
I want insanity.
I need to find purpose.
I want to stumble into drunkenness.
That is all for now. I am going to go masturbate and then conjure up some concoction of a dinner, and then I will go back to sleep.