I have been transitioning. Relocating.
Seeking a new identity.
I found one in myself.
I am never going to change. I am who I am and I have decided to shed the excess of humans whom wished for a better me. A me that wasn’t me to begin with.
I left all of those people behind me.
I love who I am. Who I have become. This batshit insane woman whose entire life is ahead of her.
I have given up on everyone so I could find my own happiness.
I am not entirely where I wish to be at the moment, however my end goal is to be.
Anyhow, whilst all the change I have had the opportunity to really sort out my emotional shit and I have come to the conclusion I am ready to start settling down. No, that does not mean the end of my smut legacy. It just means I am at the end of my rope with bullshit boys, money, hoes, and unnecessary toys. I am through with the drama that comes with obsessive men– abusive men. My lip is still healing from the latest punch from the last loser….
No more bullshit!!
My only conundrum with this “settling” down thing is the falling in love part. Frankly, I am scared to fall in love. I am scared to give someone my all. Fuck, I am scared of giving someone my infatuation! I have said my fair share of what I thought was love at the time but I always had one foot on the ground. Even with John, and he knew that… I am ready now though.
Thus, I write these next few lines to the next guy I give myself to. These are my terms of agreement so you better agree:
I will work for us if you work for us.
I will compromise if you promise to lean more towards my way.
I will make you breakfast, lunch and dinner if you take out the trash.
I will let you cuddle me to sleep every night with no complaints if you let me hump your leg every now and then.
I will fondle your balls and suck the life out of them if you promise me a pretty fat pussy cat.
I will slow dance the night away with you if you strip tease for me.
I will watch, learn, play any and every sport you wish if you learn to play pathfinder with me.
I will put up with that annoying ass friend and even smile at him/her if you promise to never tickle me.
I promise I will let you pick the movie and/or restaurant every date night if you fish and camp with me.
I promise to always pay attention to you when you speak if you promise to never wake me when I snore, drool and hog the bed.
I promise you everlasting loyalty if you humor me.
I promise to never masturbate to porn without you if you promise to let me use the tip of your penis instead.
I will love you till the stars fall from the sky if you promise to love my every quirk, annoyance, and simply just love me.
Lastly, I promise you my heart knowingly you will most likely break it a few times. But I won’t back down or step back as I have every time in the past. I am here to stay whether you’ll have me or not.
If you can accept each and every clause I will move mountains and oceans to be with you, even if that means living in L.A. (ugh) If not, suck a dick.
– Jayde Quach