It has been nearly a week since the last time I have even opened my laptop let alone write anything. I have been utterly busy and loving every moment of it. I moved in with a close friend across town and am trying to adjust to the changes. It has proven easy enough and for the first time in months I feel at home…..
With a clean kitchen to enslave myself to once again and someone appreciative enough of my culinary skills, a quite getaway to write with a certain feline companion, and a grassy (yes, real grass) back yard to lie cool in whilst I gather my thoughts or create. There truly is nothing else I need in this world to dwell oh so comfortably!
Simplicity is king.
….and speaking of kings.
There has been a vast amount of change happening in my life the past few months alone. Great changes nonetheless. I am discovering as well as rediscovering myself everyday. The going advice from mentors throughout my life has been “Learn something new everyday”. I have applied this to my current life situation, but instead of learning something new, I have made it goal to learn something—anything about myself everyday and use it in a “new” positive light.
For example: I once believed love was measured by the toxicity felt when two enamored souls immerse themselves in to the other. How quickly “love” set in. How intense the pain when we fell apart. How “alive” this person made me feel. Needn’t state the obvious of how fucked my perception had been but I really did believe I loved B more than I have ever loved anyone. He made me feel so fucking alive. SO happy. SO sad. SO hurt. SO this and SO that. SO how could I not have?!
Maybe I did. Maybe I didn’t. Maybe it’s the paramnesia predominate in being a batshit crazy individual. Who fucking knows? The truth is he does make me feel love, whether it could be defined as neurotypical love is the contender. Nevertheless, this love we share is hysteric and not long term.
Longevity Lovers consist of growth.
Long term love is grown. It is not quick in nature nor is it all consuming. It comes in strides and it lingers. It knows moderation. It teaches patience. It is appreciative and grateful. It knows boundaries. It respects boundaries. It respects you. Love is understanding and accepting. It never expects compromise, change and/or conditions. It never expects. Love accepts who you are and encourages your idea of a better version of yourself. Love compliments the relationship of two wholehearted individuals, it is never the creation. Love comes with self growth. Love comes with time. The life long love comes with time.
Of course this type of love is not absolute as nothing is ever absolute, however this love is wholesome, this love is healthy and this love is the type of love that last.
Now if only I could practice what I preach this weekend with B coming into town and all. Fuck! This will either be a testament of my strength or will combust into a fucking mess….. Either way, should be at least, interesting.
-Jayde N Tran