Bitch Maintenance

I have made it back to the city I call home—Houston, TX. I am looking forward to rolling in the grass, crawfish boils, friends, family, love and all above! Who knew I was such a Southern Belle?!

So, I finally did it! I wiggled free from the death grip of the Vegas Devil himself and ran free all the way home south of the States. Not without the help of my beloved mother and my obsession—my lover, my friend Bryan.

I have spent the past three days an emotional wreck.
I have spent the past three days falling back in love—with myself and with those who ever meant a damn really.
I have spent the past three magical days with B, his D and everything my wild, carefree imagination could conjure up to make it reality.
I have spent the past three beautiful days recreating my perspective, rethinking my support circle and redirecting all my love to those whom truly matter most.
I have spent the past three days finding my path, appreciating my lifeline, and shedding my ungrateful self of as much entitlement, arrogance and self deprivation as I possibly could.

This is my 293840845803742508 chance to change myself—and the last chance I have been given to love myself utmost absolutely.

For the past five months I have bitched, crazed and drove myself into hysteria trying to grip on to a relationship with Bryan when the answer had been right in front of me screaming out for attention the entire time—and yet I was too fucking insane to see, hear or acknowledge it.

Admittedly, I am such a fucking bitch brat I need reassurance—all the fucking time! Yet, now I am realizing the only person who could possible reassure Jayde is Jayde herself. No one else. Not a single fucking soul but me!

I have a ton of “maintenance” to work through and work on however everything looks beautiful from here on out as long as I remember who I am. As long as I remember to fall completely in love with myself. As long as I stay humble. And as long as I listen, appreciate, learn, stay humble, and keep writing.

I know who I am and all of which I am responsible of. I know I am amazing, beautiful, good and have an immense amount of potential to create so much greatness for the world to see, hear and read. Now all I need to do is upkeep this positivity and love myself.

Discipline. Sleep. Create. Love. Laugh. Breathe. Eat. Write.

P.S. Fairy tales are real–as long as I truly wish, want and more importantly work for it. If I hadn’t told you how much I appreciate and love you today, I am so fucking grateful and so immensely in love with you! And– this isn’t crazy talking, it’s just me.


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