Series of Blurs

I have been extremely sick the past few weeks. Seems as if my GI issues are becoming more and more of a nuisance than ever. Sunday early afternoon I asked Matt to drive me to the ER because the pain was steadfastly becoming unbearable. After much of the day sitting around waiting in the lobby we were finally admitted into a room where blood samples, urine samples and ultimately a CT scan were administered but not without a few hiccups. When all was said and done the results were returned unremarkable yet, I was sent home with a list of prescriptions. This is where one plus one doesn’t add up to two.

For years now I have listen to people bitch and moan about how shitty the healthcare industry has become. Not once have I believed a thing they bitched about however, instead blaming their ignorance as reason to their disdain. Maybe I have been lucky and dealt with competent healthcare providers my entire life that I couldn’t comprehend how they could distrust people who have been educated, for years mind you in their line of work but now I am coming to understand where they are coming from.

I have a pretty hardy background in medicine, that being said before I was discharged I made a request for a copy of the radiology report of the results of my CT scan. I always request this as well as my blood work and any other diagnostic testing results upon my discharge for medical history purposes.

Anyways, before I was discharged at the hospital the nurse practitioner, NOT doctor explained to me my blood results showed my white blood count was a little high thus meaning I may have an infection but from the looks of my report it may just be colitis. Either or he didn’t know but sent me home with an array of medications and hopefully these will eventually clear up whatever is a brewing.

Well, when I got home I looked over the medical report myself and saw the radiologist noted there is mild diffused thickening on my small bowel, particularly on the ileum portion of my bowel. This upset me because this was noted during my last visit to the same ER. More over, with all of the symptoms (bloody stools, diarrhea, severe acid reflux pain, urticaria, vomiting, nausea, chills, fatigue) I had conveyed to this “nurse” he decided to ignore most of them, most especially the fact that I am having black tarry stools is an indication of bleeding in the upper GI tract (aka large colon) and give me a CT scan without following it up with a barium x-ray of my upper GI tract to make sure I do not have an ulcer. I already have a charted history of inflammatory bowel disease and had a theory the culprit is Ulcerative Colitis, I just needed a second opinion from a medical expert. I also needed this “expert” to thoroughly conduct the proper measures as to examine this said ulcer to make sure it did not perforate causing more future damage which can be costly for those who are lacking medical coverage.

You know, for once in my life I want to live, and for a long time. For once, I am concerned about my health because I see a greatly exaggerated future with Matt. I see the house, the family and the fifteen cats on a ranch out somewhere far away from civilization in butt-fuck Texas. I see the grandiose proposal with him on his knees professing his undying devotion and utmost passionate love gripping a miniature wooden treasure chest holding the most incredible yet modest vintage deco diamond speckled in Ceylon sapphire ring as dowry. I can picture with confidence a backyard rustic wedding. Him in a light beige suede vest over a short-sleeved white button down, a swanky bow tie, khaki slacks and navy blue oxfords. Me in a dark ivory, completely laced long-sleeved vintage wedding dress. Our family and friends gathered around us, all there to celebrate our love, our life and our sweet future.

(sigh) I could really use a cigarette but I won’t. Instead I am going to go to the bathroom for the ninth time today then try to sip on some soup and pray it won’t upset my tummy.

I am unapologetic for the excessive bitching.

I could use a friend right about now but it seems like all of the friends I have chosen seem to run away when life isn’t about them anymore and they have to, for once, make it about someone else other than their sabotaging, pessimistic self-sabotaging, self-absorbed pitiful self.


7 thoughts on “Series of Blurs

  1. I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you. I wish I was there not only just in spirit, but also physically. I wish to be there with you. If only I didn’t live so far away from you. I love you and I miss you terribly. I haven’t been feeling great for weeks now as well. It may have seem like I was, but I wasn’t. I always find myself alone with my thoughts at night and being sad with the fact that I am actually alone. And I wish I could talk to you nonstop. I wish we have lots of time together. I miss you, and I hope you’re at least feeling better.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Doctors told us for six years that nothing was wrong with Laure. That the constant, unrelenting pain which once caused her to double over in the mall, incapacitated, was all in her head. It’s two thousand and fucking fifteen, we have robots on fucking mars but doctors are still telling women that they’re crazy rather than admit that they just don’t know what’s wrong.
    In desperation we start trying random things on our own, one of which was cutting gluten out of her diet. A month later all of these symptoms that have plagued her every day for years are gone. We explain this to her doctor, they do some tests and voila, Laure is diagnosed with celiac disease. For the first time in years she’s able to eat without worrying about the inevitable, horrible pain that would always follow every meal.
    I don’t know what is wrong with the medical profession in this country but we are definitely plagued with idiot doctors that don’t believe their patients.
    I hope youu start feeling better soon. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, I was diagnosed with Celiac two years ago but no matter what I do I have constant diarrhea. I know it isn’t that now but some form of IBD. Either or the GF diet applies.
      I do not believe doctors are idiots but more so the system is flawed, severely.
      I am glad Laurie is doing so much better! LOL I am starting to think I am going crazy myself. I am about to say fuck it all and tell everyone I am a self-diagnosed Fibromyalgia patient. 🙂


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