Stars Burn Away

I gave up.

I don’t know what possessed me to do so but I just did.

I unfollowed you.

Deleted you.

Blocked you.

I just did.

Whether it was the fact I had been caught up in one of my BPD flare ups and needed someone who understood me enough to guide me through the darkness. Not by telling me what I wanted to hear but what I NEEDED to hear or the fact that your advice were both generalized words of emptiness  laced with your own selfish reason of disdain. Either which, these past few weeks of your true colors penetrated through the passive aggressive bullshit you spew to guilt others at your own leisure.

I am so tired of hearing everyone else’s issues; all the bitching and moaning and crying with out a bit of reciprocation of a mindful ear in return. Mind you, expectations, I know of this. I’ve learned of this. I constantly teach this, yet I, myself am a victim of such blasphemous behaviors.

Unconditional love.

I am Borderline. I don’t know what the fuck unconditional love consist of. The words ring through and through me as I forcefully pretend to comprehend what it means to exude such love.

Sadly, I am barely learning to love myself. I am barely learning to love others as I am barely learning how to truly love my significant other. Although loving him has been easy. Loving him has been grand. Loving him can only be perfectly described as the warmth and comfort of a bear’s hug when caught in a frightful blizzard storm without the sight of any shelter for miles on end.

I thank God every blissful day I am by his side; that he has chosen me, and I am Atheist…. and apparently an enigma.

Back to my point: I deleted you from my life.

Never mind my actions because I still wish you to be the very person you want to be– whatever this may be– whatever makes you happy. I’ve just realize I simply cannot be a part of who this person you are and will become, beautiful or not, life anymore.

I am Borderline.

I cannot be your friend but in the same sense I will not be your foe.  From this day forth, I will be a mere memory of a friendship which thrived in the shadows of sorrow and wilted at the touch of the sun.

I needn’t an enabler to heighten the worst of my traits, nor is it I you need to enable yours.

You have the world at your feet, and if you really wanted it you know exactly how to manipulate fireflies to believe they are the stars.

Goodbye.

 

 

 

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5 thoughts on “Stars Burn Away

    1. Thank you Nena. You are as sweet as they come!

      Yeah, it was difficult. Once you purge of them, and they let go so easily as well, you cannot help but to wonder if the relationship/friendship was ever true to begin with in the first place.

      Overall, I am happy with my decision although it hurt.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, I know what you mean about the letting go so easily on their part:( But I do like to think that at one point the relationship did mean something and although they were part of our lives for a short while, we don’t leave empty handed and learn something from it. Even if it means learning to detect when someone is a true friend; I would say that is a very wise lesson to learn;)

        Liked by 1 person

    2. A short while it was. She did teach me something, and this something is more profound than the entirety of our short lived infatuation with one another.

      I’d like to think she earned a lot from our friendship as well.

      Whatever it maybe or whatever she will be, I still do wish her happiness and love.

      Liked by 1 person

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